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第二次更扯!

 

歹徒一行四人趁天即亮之際,開一輛volvo休旅車停在攝影機雖然能照到,偏偏照不到車牌的地方(耶?這巧?),再偷附近的卡車開過來,以倒車的方式,猛然連續撞倉庫後牆幾次,水泥牆應聲而倒,當然也順便撞壞鳥籠。歹徒不知是不是上回那批食髓知味,竟知道這次時間更短,集中火力,專搬未開箱的大箱子!(不像上次胡亂一抓?!)休旅車裝滿即匆容走人。

結果花了大錢做鳥籠後,損失更慘重!

這次台灣的同事打來八卦,暗示我會不會內賊通外鬼。我並不覺得,但我也不排除以我們阿達先生的大嘴巴兼自我膨脹個性,在說者無心,聽者有意的吹噓中,難保沒將我們保全狀況無意間洩漏出去給第三者或第四者‧‧‧。

如果歹徒不知道我們的貨是什麼,這工業區倉庫如繁星,為何只挑我們的牆撞?

如果歹徒不知道我們的貨是什麼,為何沒半秒觀望時間,馬上下手?

如果歹徒不知道我們的攝影機朝哪裡,為何碰巧車子的角度那完美?

如果歹徒不知道我們的水泥牆的鋼筋分部的架構,為何知道卡車應該撞哪塊牆?

 

我看過保全錄影帶,歹徒那老神在在的神韻,絕對是有備而來。

這下可好了,阿達先生又興奮起來了,還要怎樣做到滴水不漏的保全呢?首先,趕緊運來一些此地無銀的大型水泥積木,在我門的前後牆外再圍一個水泥矮牆。藉此昭告世人,我們好特別唷,有人用卡車來撞過耶~~。然後此地無銀的不透光窗戶當然也不夠安全,把它改成防彈玻璃!鳥籠既然不夠看,來個貨櫃屋吧!六個貨櫃屋割開再拼湊成一個超大貨櫃屋,變成倉庫中的倉庫。這下,我們一定可以防止任何人想用卡車撞穿我們的雙水泥牆加貨櫃屋牆!就算手榴彈攻擊也不怕!

我們的神奇貨櫃屋完成後,算是相安無事一陣子。但是前門的鋁門熱漲冷縮問題當然還存在,有一天郵差好心送信,見門半掩,便順勢走進找人簽收。我們樓下辦公室只有財務跟阿達先生,我門家財務小姐辦公室門大部分時間是緊閉的,阿達先生的辦公室自然是那天郵差先生唯一看得到人的地方。這下不得了,郵差這麼輕易可已竄進來,直搗黃龍?哪天有人持槍對著阿達先生的豆腐渣腦袋怎得了??!!

阿達先生又成功說服美國佬在辦公室內再加上兩道安全門,當我們要下去找同事或微波便當或去冰箱拿東西或去儲藏室拿文具的時候,我們得帶著感應鑰匙下樓,過五關斬六將,才能到目的地‧‧‧,這自動門總會砰的一響重重的關好。

我真的搞不懂,一個郵差的小意外,為何可以讓他如此反應?挺好奇的,難不成他當時在摳鼻孔,打瞌睡流口水,還是看色情網站到忘我境界,突然一個郵差站在他的面前,讓他無地自容?氣急敗壞之下,一定要搞個東西讓人未到聲先到?!

工程弄完後,阿達先生頒了個聖旨:

Sent: June, 2011
Subject: Security update

Dear colleagues, the maintenance being done these days are a final security update. (你誆我?!這你最有創意了,誰曉得你下次又會搞什麼名堂出來?!) 

 

Last time when 美國佬大老闆 was here, he expressed his concern for the safety of his personnel. (我就說嘛,你只要說為了安全理由,叫他們花一百萬買一坨狗屎他們都會點頭。 

That’s why we had a security guard last April and that’s why we are creating an air lock downstairs. This airlock will provide safety for personnel and stock, so these doors are closed at all times.

 

In order to make this work, the chain is only as strong as it’s weakest link, and right now that’s us.(意思就是,下次保全再出包,就是你們這些人的罪!) 

Whenever you enter of leave the office, the front door or the interconnecting door is closed.

 

Whenever there is no meeting, the meeting room is closed.

 

Any visitor will be registered, and handed a visitor pass.(哇!好有高級銀行總部的FU喔~~) 

 

When you enter or leave the office, you move your name on the board to in or out (not if you’re out for a smoke).

 

If for any reason you will not uphold to these simple measures, you not only endanger your own safety, but also the safety of your colleagues and the company. (意思還是,下次保全再出包,就是你們這些人的罪!) 

 

We’ve spend a lot of money over the years to make this a safe working environment, and we’ll do whatever is needed to keep it that way, but we can’t do it without everybody’s cooperation.(看吧!已經在預告他會繼續找名堂花錢!)

 

When you enter or leave the building, please look around the yard if there is nothing suspicious. When you leave, get in your car are drive away.

When you enter the office, look around and get in the office immediately. Don’t chat in an open doorway.(那你還敢老是在門口抽菸?太危險了吧,如果有人突然跑來持槍對著你的豆腐渣腦袋,挾持你進門,你不是危害到我們大家的安危了嘛??!!

 

Let’s work together!

 

以上。

怪的是,這麼關心我們會不會被持槍綁架的公司,這三年來不知讓我跟其他同事一大早吃多少次閉門羹。我們家有鑰匙的四個荷蘭人,其中三個住方圓五百里外,上班時間塞在路上無法準時開門是常有的事,這阿達先生以前坐公車到的時間約八點40分,現在也皮了,改搭下一般公車,拖到95分才到。換言之,這公司的文化從以前大家想辦法9點以前坐好位子開始上班,漸漸變成大家想辦法9點以後進辦公室大門。這一陣子我幾乎周周吃閉門羹,看到這種豆腐渣郵件,一把無名火油然而上,忍不住回他郵件,C.C.小老闆(雖然我早知道他不會有反應,他最怕我們兩個吵了~~): 

Sent: June , 2011
Subject: RE: Security update

Gents, I am also interested in knowing, how do we do the security method for the people waiting outside for opening the door? As you experienced also, it’s kind of weekly base now that people waiting outside.

 Secondly, in case the door is defect, what is the escape exit for us at upstairs?

 Thank you!

 

我的正派德國同事笑我在浪費時間。果然,沒多久他回了下面的豆腐渣郵件:

Sent: June, 2011
Subject: RE: Security update

 

Hi , whenever there is a power failure, the doors will be open normally because the magnet won’t work. (對喔,歹徒都跟我一樣沒常識,絕對不會想到斷我們的電源。)

If the magnet doesn’t work, in the worst case scenario you can leave via the warehouse.(請問,如果我出不了第一道門,我怎麼從第三道們出這個建築物?!)

With regards to opening the door in the morning,

4 people have keys and aim to be here before 09:00hrs.

If due to traffic all 4 of us are late, you can wait in your car.

Only xxx comes on her bike and can wait in one of your cars.(阿妹,你要確定比我晚到喔!)

If you don’t feel save, go for a drive or wait else ware.(對,汽油一公升台幣70塊,便宜的像免費一樣!)(阿達先生字又打錯了‧‧‧

 

唉~~誰來同情我哩?

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